Seems that the world is preoccupied with the 37
million people in the world who registered for an adultery website whose
information was hacked earlier this week. The hackers are threatening to
release it, which has many people in a panic, and others laughing at the
shortcomings of others.
Many of these people who are quick to condemn
the adulterers, cheaters, or whatever other name you’ve seen these people
called on the internet, are the same people who believe the church has no right
to say what goes on in their bedrooms.
Well guess what? Adultery as a sin is a concept
introduced into society by…the Church. It was introduced so that spouses,
mostly husbands, would tough out those hard years with their wives while their
infant was small, and not run away screaming or be in a hurry to impregnate
someone else.
All of these people, and you may even be one of
them, who are screaming “Cheating is wrong. Cheating is horrible. Cheaters
deserve no sympathy. They get what they get.” have had the fortune to never
been tempted to make that decision.
But hey, wait, aren’t you the same people who don’t want the government to
tell you what goes on in your bedrooms? In your “love is love” campaigns that
had you changing your profile pictures, are you supportive of swingers or do
they get excluded because they don’t fit your moral code? Swingers are, by definition,
cheaters, albeit consensual cheaters. But “cheating is cheating”, right?
I’m assuming that you’ve never had the
misfortune of being in a loveless relationship. You know, after a while,
everything gets to be a routine. So much so that maybe your partner is going
through some form of depression. They don’t want to be sexually active, period,
never mind with you. So you find a porn site, porn mags, think about Channing
Tatum or Tatum O’Neill or someone else while you masturbate. Because
masturbation isn’t adultery. I mean, you’re thinking about fucking someone
else while replicating those actions, and your spouse is the last person on your mind. But that’s not cheating,
right?
Or maybe you’re in a mentally abusive
relationship. You feel awful about yourself. But you are devoted to your
horrible spouse, even if every night they call you names and threaten to or
just become physically abusive. Then you meet someone who makes you understand
that the problem with your esteem is not entirely your fault. They boost you up
and tell you you’re beautiful and give you the courage to stand up to the
cruelty at home, and make you realise that you are better than anything you’ve
ever been called. And though that person may not stick around for long in your
life, by seducing you that one or two times, they’ve given you the courage and
strength to get yourself and as much of your family as you can, away from that
dank cruelty. But you should never even turn your attention to someone who isn’t
your spouse because that’s cheating. You should suffer under the weight of abuse
or cruelty.
Even though it may be difficult to imagine at
this point in societal development, maybe you are realizing that the sexual identity
you lived with all of your life was just a façade, a ruse. Perhaps it took the
person you met and had the affair with to make you realise this. You found
someone you could open up to and just be yourself. It’s not your spouse’s
fault. You know you were lying to everyone, but yourself most of all. It’s a
very painful and sometimes a very lonely journey. It causes untold grief and
anguish to the person who comes to such a realization. But cheating is wrong.
It’s much better to stifle your real self and keep your anguish about your true
feelings inside.
The reason why there’s so much cheating right
now is that it has always been easier for us to talk to strangers about the
shit going on in our lives than talking to the people who know us. So someone
posts a cute profile picture, we are attracted, we talk, we make up shit so
people will like us, we agree to meet, we fuck, we keep it going or we don’t.
We’ve already done that with our spouse. They know the truth about us, and that sucks out all the excitement.
If you are one of the 37 million, you have a choice to make right now: do
you tell your spouse? Or do you let them find out the hard way?
You would be surprised how far a good
conversation can go. Yes, people will get angry. People will cry. People will
be hurt. But, as an adult, you know that you will always have to face the
consequences of your actions. That’s what you teach your children. So start
practicing what you preach. And start communicating with each other. That’s
what you promised to do way back when you put on the nice suit or the poofy
dress. You could find that it brings back that excitement you felt was missing.
Human beings are not whooping cranes. We do not
mate for life. If that were true, you would still be with that first person who
kissed you in kindergarten. Just become some religious edict that forced people
into declaring their bond for each other became the global standard for
relationship achievement doesn’t mean that it’s the end all and be all. Humans
make mistakes. Humans have needs. Humans want to be loved. And humans believe
their spouses should just know all this without talking about it. And we don’t.
Otherwise sites like Ashley Madison would never have become so huge. There wouldn’t
have to be warnings and consequences in various religious writings about it.
Laws are made because people need to be told what the limits are and the
consequences if you go beyond those limits.
So when you start with your “OMG if someone ever
cheated on me, I would…” why not end it with:“want to talk to them in a calm
manner about the problems in our relationship to see if we can resolve them.
And if we can’t, then talk about how to end this before one or both of us
become more hurt.”
But quit your judging, your scoffing, your glee
at pointing out the faults and mistakes of others. Unless you’ve been in that
situation, and have had to live with the consequences of your actions, all you’re
doing is haranguing someone about whose life you know nothing.
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